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In my last bit of not-news, I long-windedly guessed that the main motivation behind everything that occurred on the interent was hatred for every other person on the internet. I'd like to extend that theory, if I may.
Not that there's anything you can do to stop me, but then again, there's not much I can do to force you to read this, so hey, let's call it even.
I've recently been exposed to the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic phenomenon that is, I think it's fair to say, sweeping the internet. The short version is, I like it. I feel kind of silly for liking it, but I'm insecure, so there you go. Anyway, I somehow made my way to someone's blog or website or journal or whatever (I was looking for pictures for a demotivational poster when the link caught my eye), where they did an analysis of the MLP fandom as they were aware of it. I found it.... though-provoking, I suppose. I certainly thought enough to want to write this, at any rate. He takes a look at the various online facets of the fandom, and, this being the internet, the ones that jump out are the fanart and the fanfics (that's fan-fiction, on the off chance you're new to the web and had the misfortune to somehow end up here, or just not very bright. I don't judge). And of course, as would be expected for subject matter so cute and innocent, the notable ones largely fall under the categories of violent and sexual. Some adverbs like "incredibly" and "psychotically" wouldn't be entirely out of place, but once again, it's the internet, so even extremities of the extremities are bound to exist.
If this sort of thing interests you, here's the link: http://awthredestim.blogspot.com/2011/
I'd suggest reading it, even if for no other reason than you've got time to kill.
Sometime after reading this, I got to thinking about my last post, and it occurred to me that hate may in fact not be the only motivating factor on the internet. I think there may actually be five factors, or rules. Granted, this idea's been done before, but depending on where you get your list of the rules from, there can be dozens of or even over one hundred rules, whereas mine only has five rules, which means it is shorter and requires less effort to memorize, thus making it infinitely superior. Unlikely, I know, but some people believe that if you say something enough times, it becomes true. Of course, during this journal's entire existence only about nine people will read it, and five of them will be me, so it definitely won't come true, but I'll only be wrong in front of four other people anyway.
Rule 1: Rule 34.
And yet 1 =/= 34, thus proving that math is worthless. (Not really. Learn math NOW, or you'll end up like everyone else on this site. And if you think that's not so bad, go take a look around. I'll wait.
...So yeah. Learn math.) I don't know if there's anyone who hasn't heard of this by now, but I'll say it anyway: Rule 34 of the internet states that if it exists, there is porn of it. NO EXCEPTIONS. And yes, the all-capitals is necessary. Rule 34 is usually followed by Rule 35 (I think), which states that if porn of it doesn't currently exist, it soon will. However, Rule 35 is usually acknowledged as a corollary to Rule 34, so I consider them two parts of the same rule. In a broader sense, Rule 34/1 means that a lot of the stuff on the internet is fueled by the sex-drive of its users. I'm not sure which exemplifies this more, free porn sites or sites wherer you have to pay, but I think plenty of evidence is there.
Rule 2: The Rule of Hate
This is what I talked about in my previous entry. Like anyone actually read it. Everyone on the internet, on some level or another (if not all of them), hates everyone else on the internet. At least, that was the theory. Now I'm starting to think that there may be rare cases where a person isn't fueled by spite, perhaps even despite being exposed to the metaphorical (I hope) cancer commonly known as the world wide web. Which is not to say that there aren't plenty of people out there who hate your guts for what is, objectively, no good reason. These people aren't too hard to find, sadly. Some classic examples would be trolls, hackers, and people who are so insecure in their own beliefs that they want to crush all opposing world-views to feel validated. Can you think of any other reason for these people to do what they do aside from hate? Seriously, can you? Someone talk to me. Please.
Okay, just then? That part where you were laughing at my misery for being horribly lonely? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
Q.E.D., bee-yotch. (That's nerd-speak for "Booyah." Except the "bee-yotch" part. I just threw that in.) Hell, it even amuses me to mock you for proving my point. Of course, hate can be justified too. How often it is is up to debate, but still.
Rule 3: The Rule of Fun
If it's not done to be horny or a dick... actually, that really was the first way I thought of to phrase that. Freud would be proud. Anyway, if hate and/or hormones isn't what makes a person do something on the 'net, then it's usually done for fun. I go to a site called deviantArt. You may have noticed the link in my profile. Hint. Hint hint.
HINT, DAMN YOU! HINT!
Only some marginal sliver of a fraction of a percentage of the people on that site are professional artists. The rest of them...?
They do it for - *audible GASP!* - fun! And, statistically speaking, there's got to be some of those professionals who also have fun doing it. I certainly hope so. I feel sorry for the ones that don't. Why do people write fanfics? They find it fun. Why do people watch movies and play games on sites like this? It's fun. Why do people make movies and program games to be played on sites like this? Despite the deranged amount of effort required in either of those things, they like it. Good thing they do, too, or this would be a really boring site.
Rule 4: The Rule of Self
Basically anything someone on the internet does to benefit themselves. The examples that come to mind are to earn money and to talk about themselves. Online businesses, journals and blogs, etc. etc., so on and so forth. You might think talking about yourself isn't beneficial, but it certainly can be. Simply putting things down in type can help you figure a situation out, and if someone actually sees it and replies, you get the added bonus of an alternate point of view and the pleasure of knowing someone listened to you. You're not (necessarily) self-centered - at least, no more than any other person - people just enjoy being listened to. In a way, being listened to is fun. Which is worth noting: these rules can and likely will overlap.
Rule 5: The Rule of Generosity.
Perhaps not as prevalent as one would hope, but it's there. I've seen a few cases where someone was in need of emotional support or money, and the community they spoke out to was willing and able to help, often beyond anything the asker hoped for. Heck, they might not have even asked for anything. I think this may actually be a point in favor of the supposed dehumanizing effect of the internet. It's easy to be an ass to someone online since you don't have to deal with them in real life, but if you possess enough empathy to recognize that they are human, and I don't think that's as hard as you might think, you actually don't have the knowledge of that person's faults to dissuade you from helping them out. An ugly truth of this is that it makes scams all the easier, but that doesn't diminish the generosity that goes into the help. And, surprisingly, even this rule can overlap with the other four. If you get pissed at someone on a message board or game server or something for bullying something else, your desire to help the victim (Rule of Generosity) boils into rage at the jackass doing the bullying (Rule of Hate). Put a little effort in to your search, and I bet you'll quickly find an artist who's auctioned off one of their porn drawings (Rule 34/1) for charity (Rule 5).
Anyway, that's theory 2.0. Try and talk to me about it, and see if you doing just that doesn't fall under one of these rules.
Go ahead. I dare you.
Taking this post seriously may result in:
Anger, elevated blood pressure, eye strain, carpal tunnel syndrome, premature baldness, sexual impotence, nervous twitches, excessive ear hair growth, anal seepage, osteoperosis, runny nose, stuffed-up nose, couging, sneezing, itching, vomiting, projectile vomiting, constipation AND diarrhea, wrinkled skin, radiation poisioning, hang nails, jock itch, romantic interest in sharp objects, and, above all else, that one medical condition you fear more than anything. I don't know what that might be, but trust me, you'll get it.
I have a theory...
Everyone on the Internet HATES everyone else on the Internet.
I imagine that, if anyone ever actually read any of my posts, there would, as a result, be a gigantic "DUH!" resounding around the world so loudly I could even hear it with my head encased in concrete. I don't plan on testing that part of the theory, if only because I detest skin-tight clothing.
Then, there's also the whole breathing issue.
The "duh" factor comes from the all-too-well-known existence of "spammers," "trolls," and "flamers." You probably have seen the markings of such life-forms while browsing the web. You might know one or two personally. There's an extremely good chance you are one. These creatures seem to convert negative feelings, in themselves and in others, into life energy, much akin to the process by which plants make their food with sunlight (it's called photosynthesis, though you probably already knew that. At least, I hope you did. If not, then there's even less hope than I thought.)
I suppose that means these people are, in a sense, vegetables. Surprise, surprise.
By the way, even though this mutual hatred is obvious to anyone who knows someone who might have an idea about what the Internet is, I still only consider it a theory because we just take for granted that it's true. It's like gravity. They used to say: "Things fall. Do we really need a name for it?" Then Newton decided to dig a bit deeper.
A good local example is any one of the various crews, squads, etc. here on Newgrounds. Their main aim seems to be making terrible flashes, and then getting them passed through the blind loyalty of their own members. Once again, you knew this already. As far as I can see, this process serves no purpose other than eating up memory and annoying everyone else. The only logical reason for them to do this is because they enjoy it for some reason. They derive pleasure from others' dissatisfaction.
In other words: THEY HATE YOU. Why do they hate you? They've never met you. You may have never said two words to any of them, and yet, they hate you.
Now, before someone tries to harpoon me, figuratively or otherwise, I would like to say that not everything made by such groups is bad. A flash should be graded on its own merits, not its author's pedigree. I'm just noting what seems to be an unfortunate trend.
Another good example, I feel, is the group commonly referred to as "furries." This title can mean anything to you. It could mean perverts who like dressing up and doing very unpleasant things to and with each other. It could mean people who like to imagine what things would be like if some other species was the dominant lifeform on the planet. It could just mean people who like stuff like Looney Tunes and Camp Lazlo. It could mean that one guy I saw on TV who got his entire face tatooed like a tiger and had a bunch of metal studs put in his skin so he could attach plastic "whiskers" to them. Seriously, from what I can tell, the classification relies almost entirely on connotation. And then there seem to be groups who consider bestiality to be the same thing as being "furry." I could go on, but I've only got 30,000 characters left for this post.
Naturally, most of the people who think "furries" are pervets hate them. They've never met or talked to most of them, but they hate them purely on principal. Similarly, most of the people who call themselves "furries" consider the people that hate them to be uninformed jackasses. This is, of course, a generalization. There are many people on both sides who couldn't care less about the other side's opinion if they tried. I think the argument goes something like this: "I don't care what they think because they're all just angry nuts who can't be bothered to take two seconds to look up information on the subject, because it's obvious that they're just making judgments bases on unfair media generalizations that don't even remotely depict what blah blah blah blah BLAH BLABBIDY-BLAH!" That translates roughly to: "I hate you, so I'll just pretend you don't exist."
At this point, I'd like to make it clear that I neither support nor attack either side. The reasoning behind this policy is simple: If I'm lucky, everyone will just ignore me. If not, then I don't have to worry about allies and enemies; I can just blast anyone who's coming my way with a pitchfork and an angry look on his/her face. Much easier. Safer, too, if I have the foresight to bring a long-range tranquilizer gun.
I could go on with infinite other examples, such as homosexuallity, racism, sexism, Pro-war, Anti-War, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, webcomics, newspaper comics, DC and Marvel comics, Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter by itself, anime, manga, pseudo-anime, pseudo-manga, dogs, frogs, cats, rats, ferrets, parrots, movies, TV, books, DVD, Emo, Hair-Gro, Slowbro, fairy tales, snips and snails, left wing, right wing, left-handed, right-handed, under-handed, rhyme, crime, and now I'm just wasting time.
Personally, I don't think there is a right answer to any of this. If one group from any of these situations was right and the other was wrong, they would either have proved it or learned to ignore the incorrect group. So, either both groups are right, or both groups are wrong. Depending on how you look at it, there's really no difference. I see situations like these as more of a sphere than a two-sided coin; infinite points of view instead of just plain "right" and "wrong."
You may have noticed that I seem to have lost my train of thought somewhere in all of this. I'm not going to try to find it again because, quite frankly, I've lost my interest along with it. I suppose the upshot of all of this is as follows:
Everyone on the Internet hates you because you're not them, and you feel the same way towards everyone on the Internet.
Finally, a joke to lighten the mood.
At least there would be, but I can't think of one now.
I'm done here. Go watch something funny.
...But still no Flash to work with.
The odds of anyone ever actually seeing this are, mathematically speaking, negligible (read: "infinitely close to zero"), but if you are seeing this, I guess a "hello" is in order.
I don't really like talking about myself, but you should be able to get a fair idea of what I like from my favorites.
As though you couldn't figure that out yourself.
I hope to someday submit a flash movie of some sort to Newgrounds, but seeing as I refuse to shell out that kind of cash for the latest version of Flash, and I've got a problem with software piracy (that's a personal policy, I'm not criticizing anyone; you wouldn't listen to me anyway), it's probably going to be some time before I ever actually make anything. Until then, I'll just be watching whatever happens to catch my eye.
See you around.